I am BAE.

life

Living in the hustle bustle of a city is not easy. I think we sometimes forget to give ourselves a break and breathe. Personally, I keep myself busy with work, never really giving myself the breathing room for errors — which is not a smart thing to do, especially for someone with anxiety. In hindsight, that’s probably why everything went haywire the last couple of weeks. I wish I could say that I didn’t see it coming, that it was unexpected. But if I was honest with myself, I knew it. I knew after my second night of insomnia and ecstatic high, that at some point I would hit a low point. What I couldn’t predict was how hard it has been and how prolonged the process of picking myself back up would be.

I feel as though I’ve been trying too hard to have good days. It probably doesn’t help that I’ve also been very critical of my situation. This almost automatic, negative backtalk I give myself only feeds my anxiety. Instead of worrying about whether I am able to take my next exams and what the consequences will be if I don’t, I should be focusing on healing myself. I should be focusing on treating myself before anything else. I am BAE. And to all my little ponies, who are struggling with life right now, you are BAE. Even if it feels uncomfortable and like an inconvenience, put yourself and your well-being above everything else. You’ll thank yourself somewhere down the road, when you’re not run-down from the life’s wear and tears, popping medication to manage your weak cardiovascular condition, having a mid-life crisis, and wondering how you could have lived a better youth.

The time to start being kind to yourself is now. Give yourself a break, step back and recognize all the ways you have succeeded in the past years. Stop over-analyzing all the ways you could have done better. Reflection is healthy because it promotes growth, but living in the past will destroy your self-confidence. You are not that person anymore and you cannot change the past, so learn from your could haves/ should haves/ would haves, and move on. Become your loudest cheering squad, your best friend, your mom — push yourself with the kindest encouragement and check-in with your physical/emotional/mental state often. Access what your primary necessity is before moving on with your actual work. Eat well, sleep well, and take care of your body, because YOLO; You only get to live once, so live well– make this one life all you’ll really need.

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Be the Person You Need to Be.

Uncategorized

Hello blog-ees!

It’s been a while, eh? So much for weekly Thursday posts..but I can’t help it! Life (and by life, I really mean school) gets in the way and I struggle to write when I’m terribly sleep deprived and uninspired. Maybe a more realistic goal for me is to just write something, anything, on a weekly basis. Whether it be a couple sentences long or simply a minute thought, I’ll try to find myself some inspiration on Saturday mornings and do a quick writing blerb.

Anyway, instead of doing my 7 page paper that’s due tomorrow morning at 11am and studying for a 10am test, I’ve been cleaning/organizing my desktop and I stumble across a post I bookmarked ages ago. Here’s the complete link: http://thoughtcatalog.com/kovie-biakolo/2015/05/the-graduation-speech-every-college-grad-should-get/

I guess I was looking for some motivation to start doing work so I decided to give it read and here we are now, 3 hours later..What stood out to me the most was this following passage about finding your authentic self and what type of person we should all strive to be:

“Forgive your childhood, your teenage years, and your early adulthood, so they don’t get in the way of experiencing your life now. Confidence, true confidence, will come not from “faking it till you make it,” but from confronting your insecurities head-on; having lots of conversations with yourself about them.

Try to visit as many places and converse with as many people, as time and money will allow you. It will make you a more compassionate person, and it will make you realize both how big and how small the world is. But don’t be one of those people whose identity is wrapped up in being a “traveler.” Always be multidimensional. You are so much more than what you can afford to do.

Make people feel welcome; make them feel like they matter. The world can be a cruel place for a lot of people who suffer in silence as they pass you. A smile and a kind word can be all the goodness you need to put into the world on some days.

Remember that when it’s all said and done, no matter how materially successful you are or aren’t, that the “stuff” of life does not make up for who you are, and how you treat people. That ultimately, “how well you’re doing,” is not about titles or bank accounts or the image of your life you project to the world. It’s about what you’re giving to the world and to those around you. And indeed, strive to be a more of a giver than a taker.

[…] Time is one of the most valuable things. But it goes quickly. Don’t waste it. Don’t put things off till “you’re ready.” You’ll never be ready to try out a new career path or move to a new city or tell someone you love them. Tomorrow may be too late – and that will be one of the most cruel life lessons you can experience – being too late. So forget about being ready, and go after whatever it is, today.

[…] Whether it’s career or friendships or love: Don’t be attached to the outcome of things; don’t be attached to a particular outcome of things. The process, is where life really happens, I think. And sometimes the ending that you want when you go after whatever it is you want, is not the ending that you need.”

All of it. I think the writer of this post is brilliant and I agree with all of it. I know this is a bit of a cop-out to be re-blogging content that already been posted about, but I really couldn’t have said it better myself.

At the end of my life time, it won’t matter what grade I get on this paper I’m procrastinating to write, or what age we graduate college at. It won’t matter that I listened to Justin Bieber or that I browse Tinder from time to time. What will matter is whether or not I have lived truthfully and for myself. And this is something I’m personally struggling with (but more on that later), but have finally begun to accept the person that I am/am becoming.

No longer shall I deny compliments, no longer shall I dim the fiery light that I hold. From this day forward, I pledge to live unequivocally my true self –and right now, that’s a compassionate, dorky artist with a roaming, hippie soul and a sassy edge. Be multidimensional. Be the person you need to be.

Go forth and shine bright, my fellow Golden Ponies.