I am BAE.

life

Living in the hustle bustle of a city is not easy. I think we sometimes forget to give ourselves a break and breathe. Personally, I keep myself busy with work, never really giving myself the breathing room for errors — which is not a smart thing to do, especially for someone with anxiety. In hindsight, that’s probably why everything went haywire the last couple of weeks. I wish I could say that I didn’t see it coming, that it was unexpected. But if I was honest with myself, I knew it. I knew after my second night of insomnia and ecstatic high, that at some point I would hit a low point. What I couldn’t predict was how hard it has been and how prolonged the process of picking myself back up would be.

I feel as though I’ve been trying too hard to have good days. It probably doesn’t help that I’ve also been very critical of my situation. This almost automatic, negative backtalk I give myself only feeds my anxiety. Instead of worrying about whether I am able to take my next exams and what the consequences will be if I don’t, I should be focusing on healing myself. I should be focusing on treating myself before anything else. I am BAE. And to all my little ponies, who are struggling with life right now, you are BAE. Even if it feels uncomfortable and like an inconvenience, put yourself and your well-being above everything else. You’ll thank yourself somewhere down the road, when you’re not run-down from the life’s wear and tears, popping medication to manage your weak cardiovascular condition, having a mid-life crisis, and wondering how you could have lived a better youth.

The time to start being kind to yourself is now. Give yourself a break, step back and recognize all the ways you have succeeded in the past years. Stop over-analyzing all the ways you could have done better. Reflection is healthy because it promotes growth, but living in the past will destroy your self-confidence. You are not that person anymore and you cannot change the past, so learn from your could haves/ should haves/ would haves, and move on. Become your loudest cheering squad, your best friend, your mom — push yourself with the kindest encouragement and check-in with your physical/emotional/mental state often. Access what your primary necessity is before moving on with your actual work. Eat well, sleep well, and take care of your body, because YOLO; You only get to live once, so live well– make this one life all you’ll really need.

Write to Live (Part I)

Uncategorized

There’s no denying the fact that I write to live, and hopefully, live to write. For instance, I’m having a strong compulsion to write this at 4 am in the morning while still half asleep. Why, you may ask? Well, I was woken up by a violent crying fit and asked myself the  question, “When was the last time you wrote anything?”. And there it was, my short-term and probably long-term solution to my never-ending list of issues.

I always forget.

I know my blog exists, the reasons I’ve created it, and the goals I wish achieve from it, but I always forget to actually click the link, read what I have written, and write for therapy.

2016 had hit me like a truck. Actually, it felt like I was hit by multiple trucks: new job, new responsibilities, new living conditions, new diet, new classes, new relationships.. My life was undergoing a lot of reconstruction and the overloading change drove me off the edge yet again. By the end of the first week, I had about 20 hours of sleep in total and 2 panic attacks within 4 days. And although it was only a week, it felt like a month had passed. I needed help and I needed it fast. But during the second week in trying to recover, I felt like an octopus reaching out all its tentacles to grab hold of whatever resource I could find, but grasping nothing. Finally, I reached out to a special friend and she asked me, “When was the last time you wrote anything?”.

And there it was. When I first realized that I had forgotten again. Then it only took me about another month  to actually write something.

Do you love and take it easy once in while, my Little Ponies.

Stay Golden,

YoungHumble